Glossary
A snarky survival guide to the market buzzwords everyone pretends to understand.
Bear Market
Wall Street’s version of seasonal depression. Everyone’s portfolio goes into hibernation while CNBC pundits explain how you should’ve sold three months ago.
Boomer Candy
Fancy ETFs that promise safety and monthly income by trading away upside. Basically dessert for retirees: sweet, predictable, and liable to rot your portfolio’s teeth if you overdo it.
Bull Market
The financial equivalent of a conga line. Nobody knows where it’s going, but everyone’s convinced it’ll last forever. Spoiler: it won’t.
Compound Interest
The closest thing to legal sorcery. You do nothing, your money makes more money, and eventually you can brag about “letting time work for you” while still eating store-brand cereal.
Diversification
Putting your eggs in different baskets so when one gets stolen, at least the omelet still happens. The financial world’s way of saying “don’t be stupid.”
Dividend Reinvestment Plan. When you’re so committed to compounding that you turn every payout into more shares instead of pocket money. Click through if you actually want to learn how to run that flywheel.
ETF
An investment burrito stuffed with random securities. Sometimes delicious, sometimes it gives you indigestion, but hey, at least it’s portable.
K-1
If it pumps, processes, pressurizes, or pipes hydrocarbons, it probably hands you a K-1. It’s a tax form partnerships send instead of a standard 1099, stuffed with allocations and passive loss trivia your software never guesses right. Translation: extra waiting, extra clicks, and extra chances to get cozy with the IRS instructions.
Liquidity
How fast you can turn an asset into cash without looking like you’re pawning grandma’s heirlooms.
Retirement
The last stop before Valhalla, where you move to Florida and become a shuffleboard champion the likes of which the SeaShell Villages have never seen. Also known as: “When your boss finally becomes someone else’s problem.”
A distribution that gives you your own money back dressed up like income. It feels fancy until tax time reminds you it’s basically a slow-motion refund. Dive deeper in the Learning Lab before you start celebrating.
M2 Money Supply
A broad measure of money that includes cash, checking deposits, and easily accessible savings instruments. Think of it as the economy’s wallet plus the couch cushions—full until someone remembers all those impulse buys.
The danger that the order of investment gains and losses hurts long-term results, especially when you’re withdrawing money. It’s like eating your fries before the burger only to realize the burger’s burnt—you’re stuck with the aftertaste.